Figgy Pudding

Laughter

2004-12-15T19:29:00.000-08:00

A funny: "When they discover the center fo the universe,
a lot of people will be dissappointed to
discover that they are not it."-Bernard Bailey

2004-12-09T13:30:00.000-08:00

Dudley makes me laugh

Revocation of Independence

2004-11-28T18:20:00.000-08:00

> To the citizens of the United States of America,
>
> In the light of your failure to elect a suitable President of the USA and
> thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
> independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will
> resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other
> territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister
> (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until
> now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a
> minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and
> the Senate will be disbanded.
>
> A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
> noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the
> following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
> look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at
> just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be
> reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter
> 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to
> spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love
> affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize"
> will be replaced by the suffix "ise".
>
> You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh.
> You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with
> correct pronunciation..
>
> Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up
> "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler
> noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form
> of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in
> the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language
> then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your
> vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.
>
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
> your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of
> the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".
>
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It
> really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney,
> upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to
> learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart"
> will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about
> regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in
> England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it
> Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g.Texasshire,
> Floridashire, Louisianashire.
>
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
> good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English
> characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf"
> will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who
> can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.
>
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
> but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
> confused and give up half way through.
>
> 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
> football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.
> The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders
> may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no
> longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
> Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult
> game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby
> (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for
> a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like
> nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by
> 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an
> event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of
> America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond
> your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be
> allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without
> fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
>
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
> they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is
> a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
> have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "5hit". You will no
> longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own
> or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because
> we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous
> items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in
> public.
>
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new
> national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
>
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
> own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
> All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start
> driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go
> metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
>
> Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of
> humour.
>
> 10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
> are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85%
> of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not
> aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato
> chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in
> animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be
> served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with
> customers.
>
> 11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all
> tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be
> doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
>
> 12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
> beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter
> will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted
> provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as
> "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's
> Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company
> whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This
> will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in
> Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
>
> 13. From November 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you
> will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1, 2005) prices with the
> former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and
> the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon
> - get used to it).
>
> 14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers
> or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
> that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled
> by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing
> someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle
> a gun.

> Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to
ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

> Thank you for your cooperation.

Happy Turkey Day

2004-11-25T16:56:00.000-08:00

Hope everyone's vacation is going as they please!!!

2004-11-09T22:16:00.000-08:00

Courtesy of David Rees

"The one fingered victory salute"

2004-11-06T10:26:00.000-08:00

http://www.funnyjunk.com/movies/47/Bush+Uncensored%21%21+Bush+gives+the+finger%21/stream

Grumble Grumble Grumble

mnftiu.cc

2004-11-04T01:15:00.000-08:00

from mnftiu...

CHIN UP.
We're smarter than those motherfuckers.
We can learn more quickly than those motherfuckers.
We can be more ruthless than those motherfuckers.
We can be some six-million-dollar motherfuckers ourselves.

Chin up.
We're more American than those motherfuckers.
We're more responsible than those motherfuckers.
We're more compassionate than those motherfuckers.
Hell, our atheists are more Christian than their Bible-thumpin' motherfuckers.

There's an election in two years.
There's nothing we can't do.

Chin up.
Because it's on, motherfuckers.
It is on.

2004-10-29T17:23:00.000-07:00

Anyone care about what the one on the right has to say about why he sent the hijackers and how Bush gave them extra time by listening to a story about a goat? If so...

2004-10-29T17:12:00.000-07:00

...read this http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/B/BIN_LADEN_TAPE?SITE=ALOPE&SECTION=HOME

conspiracy theory

2004-10-27T15:29:00.000-07:00

Attention my future revolutionaries!!

Does Microsoft have any ties of contract with the government?

I have resolved that if this is so, as constituted under the patriot act I and II, the gov't can use the "update downloads" or internet files etc, to inspect our internet use.After all, whie downloading the newest and 'safest' model of Windows for my computer it read, "inspecting currect configuartion and archives" (Win Xp Service Pack 2). They could be really looking into what people are looking at, reading up on, learning about... "inspecting currect configuartion and archives" could mean they are tapping in to our computers to suvalence us! to upload your computer's history of research and see if you present a threat to their immortality!!!

...or maybe, its all just another......

conspiracy
Conspiracy
conspiracy
conspiracy

question everything

Thank You For Your Attention. You may now return to your busy lives....

allie

2004-10-18T19:33:00.000-07:00

This is a purdy picture of Founder's Hall in the evening, just after sunset. i manipulated it by adding the foggy look, because there was no fog at the time, but oh well.

Takin' Care of Business

2004-10-17T20:05:00.000-07:00

Hmmm...

2004-10-16T19:25:00.000-07:00

Some of you wanted to see a picture of the duct tape dress i made and wore to prom...so here it is!

2004-10-13T15:15:00.000-07:00

DOUBLETHINK

Pynchon on the almighty Simpsons

2004-10-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

This is a clip from the Simpsons. I'm pretty sure they really used Pynchon to do the voice.
http://www.themodernword.com/pynchon/TRP_simpsons.html

2004-10-12T19:15:00.000-07:00

No need for a caption. Just look at Jon's face.

just something to think about

2004-10-11T11:17:00.000-07:00

Why is it in our society that it is more acceptable for two men to be holdong guns rather than hands?

2004-10-07T17:10:00.000-07:00

2004-10-02T23:57:00.000-07:00

Ummmmm... raccoon on the car.

2004-09-30T20:27:00.000-07:00

Another one of my favorites. Pastel as well.

2004-09-30T20:24:00.000-07:00

Eye see you... yea, this is just a picture i drew of my friend Linnea's eye. it's done in chalk pastel, my favorite.

2004-09-30T11:53:00.000-07:00

This took me so long to draw (and publish) it's pitiful...

2004-09-29T16:50:00.000-07:00

Two professors.

2004-09-29T16:49:00.000-07:00

She's getting used to 18....

2004-09-29T16:48:00.000-07:00

I gotta go...

2004-09-29T16:47:00.001-07:00

Peace out!

2004-09-29T16:47:00.000-07:00

Plotting

Nice goat, but...

2004-09-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

...does Mr. Cardigan have a rockin' theme song like mr. pants does?

2004-09-28T20:38:00.000-07:00

This is my pet goat, Mr. Cardigan. (sorry. I can be a smart ass.)

2004-09-28T19:13:00.000-07:00

Yes this is my kitty. His name is mr. pants and I am very glad you found him. I sent him out to get milk from the Giant's Cupboard three days ago, but he never came back. Please return him with the bill fold and the $25 he left with. Thank you. -Nik

2004-09-28T18:32:00.000-07:00

Is this your cat?

2004-09-28T10:42:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Aleisha!

2004-09-27T10:55:00.000-07:00

http://www.thesunmagazine.org/

2004-09-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

I am confused about what kind of draft is due tomorrow? is it final? is it pre-final? do we even have final drafts, i seem to remember some mention that there were never final drafts until portfolio. Maybe a thorough explanation of how essays work in the class would help? Sorry to try to clear the muddy intructions, but anyones insight would help mucho!

George Bush--Because He Says So

2004-09-25T14:14:00.000-07:00

Some people might like this video clip. It's about George Bush and his words. The video is about 30 megs, but loads at about 180 kbps (for me, at least).

2004-09-25T10:16:00.001-07:00

Hi!

2004-09-25T10:16:00.000-07:00

Everything's hunky dory and then suddenly...

2004-09-25T10:15:00.000-07:00

Earthquake!

2004-09-22T19:43:00.000-07:00

No blue like Humboldt blue....

2004-09-22T19:42:00.000-07:00

The Quad on the first day of Fall.

2004-09-22T19:38:00.000-07:00

Reading writing speaking listening....

2004-09-22T19:08:00.000-07:00

Elaborating on the function of the soul....

2004-09-22T19:07:00.001-07:00

Ya say it's your birthday!

2004-09-22T19:07:00.000-07:00

The Thinker.

2004-09-22T19:06:00.001-07:00

Hardly working.

2004-09-22T19:06:00.000-07:00

2004-09-21T16:50:00.000-07:00

Eric Kramer: our man in Philly.

Any body into buddhism?

2004-09-21T15:40:00.000-07:00

there's a really good site @ www.drby.net
check out the "Intro to Buddhism Video"
Peace.

2004-09-20T16:39:00.000-07:00

I woke up in the middle of the nite and there was a penguin trying to download music from funkysouls.com. And also, he said he was doubly hip as Peoria (sorry, Shelby) and had me take his picture.

2004-09-20T15:24:00.000-07:00

Just sayin' Hi with a picture. Does this make me "hip" now?

My Freedom

2004-09-19T22:43:00.000-07:00

The freedom to be educated and the ability to expand your mind really comes down to what you feel education is to you. I see education as everything around me which I take in and can use in my everyday life and as a factor which helps me as a person grow. The simple gesture of hello would teach a little something about that person and then I could later use that when I meet and greet someone else. With out the ability to educate yourself you lock your self down, the opportunities, dream and goals you may of had would be become hard to achieve if you are always struggling to over come oppression of the mind.
I have learned that with out the freedom of education you are almost bound to the fear of ignorance, it is the base of everything we do. We use the freedom of education and the ability to expand out minds consciously and subconsciously, it is what runs the world around us.

2004-09-16T11:12:00.000-07:00

Alejandro and others: http://www.roger-waters.com/

2004-09-16T10:31:00.000-07:00

James Fallows. His website is at http://jamesfallows.com/

2004-09-15T19:06:00.000-07:00

This picture is taken early in the morning as we begin the walk up Adam's Peak (Sri Pada) in Sri Lanka in order to make sunrise from the top (February, 2004). Also pictured are Chisa (14) and Mei Lan (8).

2004-09-15T18:57:00.001-07:00

Hams.

2004-09-15T18:57:00.000-07:00

Johanna amid the crazies....

2004-09-15T18:56:00.000-07:00

Funny girls...

2004-09-15T18:00:00.000-07:00

In that space where infinity above meets immensity below we see the first sign of a new dawn. Dark always gives way to light; for a brief moment nothing is forbidden, everything is possible. But what would we do if the light never came? Maybe we would lie down. Maybe we could go back to sleep. Maybe we could wake up. - Adbusters

2004-09-13T17:43:00.000-07:00

Allie and Audrey.

good website

2004-09-12T15:17:00.000-07:00

If anyone is doing their paper on a freedom mentioned in the 1st amendment, there's a really good website dedicated to it. Lot's of USEFUL info! www.firstamendmentcenter.org

2004-09-10T14:14:00.001-07:00

2004-09-10T14:14:00.000-07:00

2004-09-09T17:36:00.000-07:00

Curses!! This may be the fifth time I've tried to post this picture, and it had better work. Grrr. Ok, this is a picture I took for photography last year, and it fits with the the whole "someone's watching you" theme. Don't forget to look at the reflection.

2004-09-08T19:51:00.000-07:00

Three among you...

2004-09-08T19:50:00.000-07:00

Just a random Drabble

2004-09-08T17:32:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to see if I could actually post. for some reason I seem to be having troubles, probably because the technology is a little to complicated. So hopefully this works.

2004-09-08T17:21:00.000-07:00

It's cool--no one is watching you.

hey look i figured it out

2004-09-08T11:26:00.000-07:00

hey check it out everybody i figured out how this whole thing works. I can blog now!!! I think someone should give me a cookie or a gold star or something.

Kindergarten rap

2004-09-07T22:11:00.000-07:00

I know I'm in college
with educated university minds adamantly divulging into complex studies that surrond our future and answer our profound questions

but right now I am not in class
I am not near a classroom
I am definatly not in an English classroom
so I get to write all the dumb kindergarten rhyms I want

I ll start with a random word and you can follow along
Hog
Dog
Frog
skipping out of the animal section
Log
Fog
Bog
now out of places
Jog
Pog
cog
and unless I invent any other words I am done

if you wish to receite the rhym go ahead,
but if you actually read all of this
you wasted your time
on a kindergarten rhym

Boo ya! I just rhymed again, I just rhymed again
(right now I am doing the 80's hand roll dance move and neck bob)
Go ahead and challenge me sucka's

2004-09-07T11:12:00.000-07:00

Watching

Some Notable Blogs

2004-09-07T10:49:00.000-07:00

This one might be the most famous in the world: Salam Pax, the Baghdad Blogger .

I like some of the more liberal commentators, such as Atrios and The Daily Kos.

Of course there are very many others, of all political stripes and persuasions. The comedian Margaret Cho has a lively one.

Mornings on Mars

2004-09-07T10:14:00.000-07:00

so this is a blog....

Blogs definatly are not apart of my every day routine...I don't think of blogs when i lethargically crawl out of bed in the morning to "Bohemian Rapcity" by Queen, nor am i dreaming of bloggin when i am showering off the dirt that sprung up and coated my legs after my bike ride. I didnt think of postin a blog this morning after my eggs, and I wasnt considering any form of blog when i was wandering aimlessly with my sweetheart. No, blogs are definatly alien. SO good morning to you all, happy blogging. Have a nice day.

Marvoulous Mavrick running a muck!

allie out

exposition

2004-09-06T19:52:00.000-07:00

b. With one or two or three pages of freely written “rough draft,” explain this most important freedom. TELL all about it. Imagine your audience to be the members of your group and Dr. Stacey. Why is it important to you? Should it be important to me? Why? Analyze!

Learning how to blogg

2004-09-06T19:13:00.000-07:00

I Just wanted to see if this whole blogg thing was going to work. I also wanted a quick definition for an "exposition" just so I know that I am doing it right.

2004-09-03T19:55:00.000-07:00

Big Brother is Watching you

Welcome to Figgy Pudding

2004-09-03T13:02:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Figgy Pudding, the blog for class members of the cultural diversity FIG at HSU this term. If you're in the FIG, you can blog like the best of them.

This blog will be for formal and informal assignments, and for other stuff too.

Let's start with a link to the blog I mentioned in class today, Eschaton. I put it here just to show you 1) an example of a blog 2) that I like 3) and to see how the web link function works on this our new blog.

This is another link that we might find ourselves using this semester. It's called The Memory Hole (after a device for destroying documents in what novel?)

I hope you all have a good Labor Day Weekend. If anyone has any questions about the difference between "exposition" and "dramatization," you might want to post about it here at the blog.